+ Squirrel Seige Over

Denver, CO — AP
As of 10:12 a.m. Saturday morning, after 39 hours, the squirrel that had been residing in our living room has been evicted. It had resided under our large, heavy china cabinet in our dining room and after seeing the squirrel trap empty early Saturday morning, I decided the only thing left to do was to force the issue and capture it once and for all, armed now, with a fish net supplied by my neighbor, that the "professional" animal control officer didn't have. I also had my wife ready with the better laundry basket, while keeping our screaming 2-year old at a safe distance in the kitchen.

Armageddon was about to commence.

It had made a brief appearance early Friday afternoon, when my mother was watching our little boy. While he was napping, and it was quiet, it came out, only to be greeted by a very excited cat and dog, at which point it scurried its way back behind the china cabinet.

So after removing all the glassware and dishes from the cabinet, I hoisted it out from the wall about six inches, where it actually ran straight into the trap and made its way out without snapping the trap door shut. It was too small and light to set off the lever which was slathered with peanut butter and dotted with sunflower seeds. Back under the cabinet. I forced it back out by using a long wooden slat and it took off!

I had moved all the dining room chairs away from the table and put them into the living room to give me more room in the dining room to operate. However, the cluster of chairs actually became a horrible obstacle course for me, as the squirrel made it's way back to the chair under which my wife originally discovered it on Thursday afternoon. I essentially removed any free space I needed to use the fish net to trap it, as in my yelling and running around, I could not grab the rodent through the maze of chairs. Meanwhile, Squirrel is racing up and over and through and under and along walls, shelves, tables, pictures and cabinets. K's antique statue, given to her by her grandmother as a wedding gift, was the only casualty, crashing to the floor.

All of my smarts seemed to have left me at this time. At one point, I actually had the animal under the fish net (now, back in the dining room) and under the laundry basket, while I had K run and get a garbage bag. But before she could return, it had escaped again! But what I wasn't realizing was that it kept making it's way to our fake Ficus tree because it was natural for the squirrel to be in a tree! Finally, after my adrenaline and blood pressure had gone through the roof, and I'm stumbling all over the labirynthian chair course in the living room, it finally stopped in the Ficus tree where, with my gloves, I was able to easily grab the relaxed squirrel. I hollared at K to open the front door and I stepped outside, where, with an Olympian windup, I threw the squirrel over our front yard, where it began hurtling end-over-end, but righted itself and actually 'glided' to the street, albeit with an unattractive THUD! Without so much as a glance back, it bolted for my neighbor's rose bushes.

The 2006 Squirrel Seige was over. It was not my best moment. It seemed as if all my frustrations, anxieties, angers all boiled over the top in my clumsy inability to capture this squirrel. I was patient and gave it a chance to go into a humane cage/trap for two nights and it did not. I was concerned that my little boy might get scratched or bitten before I could get it out and it was basically making me very angry and I was not thinking straight. I'm disappointed in myself and letting this get me angry, rather than it being a somewhat humorous situation. I felt like Bill Murray going after the groundhogs in Caddyshack, but the longer I thought about all the pee and poop it was leaving under very heavy furniture, or the possibility it might actually cause harm to my family, all I wanted was the darn thing out. I gave it a chance to go out on it's timing, but it did not.

We can laugh and talk about it now, and we've comforted our little man. Peace, now, is back in the home.